Sandcastles

there is something about farewell
that has me crawling back inside myself
but there's only sand inside this shell
and i'm bankrupt from the wishing well

Fall girl

My city's full of beds i kissed you in
My passport's full of stamps from the ones i missed you in
I fell asleep in the grass through all of summer’s lazy days
They'd never guess I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straight
Close your eyes and raise your glass
Drink to erase the 'old me' from our past
Tonight you’ll roll the dice and place your bets
And in the morning I’ll tell you everything that you forget
The world got me stuck on the pause of you
There's a fine line between feeling green and feeling blue
Too hazy to realise things would change
"I miss you missing me in the good old days"
I flew Heathrow to JFK and back
My mind is always pitch black when it wakes inside a flask
People say you'll always get what you deserve
But you just get what you get and sometimes it hurts
Now I’d sleep anywhere as long as our heads lie close
He wrote "multiply me times what you love the most"
Two weeks in New York and I felt that way
My veins run dry when it doesn’t carry the same
They shoulda locked us away and swallowed the key
They shouldve never told me to leave you be
Curse constellations to turn back hands
What do I know of love? I'm just some boy from a band
But I told you i loved you while you slept on the drive
Under a sunrise sky
Now ive spent too many nights half alive
Between these long white lines
When you're young they never tell you you'll feel so alone
But P taught me to treasure our shared timezone
Headaches sit in my chest for all my old friends
Our forgotten nights and the “play it again”s
My make believe feelings become harder to pretend
Nothing left to write except for; the End.

Weird world. Happy high. Love lull.

to you-
the headlines will call you a bombshell but don't be surprised when you get to hell and discover it is empty (all the devils are here)

Doom & dread

she told me
"i think you are the only thing that makes my heart beat"
but i think maybe she's got it backwards
because she is the only thing that makes my heart stop.

Rome

wolves, i got it all wrong
suck the memories out of me
their venom is too strong.
oh, honey, it's time to let me go,
i've fought for far too long-
headaches are back where they belong
old sorrow overflows,
nightmares are prolonged.
please pull the heartache from my veins,
for this is my swansong,
we built rome in a day
but destroying it seems to take so long

Sometimes

sometimes to make myself feel okay i imagine you as a child
with summer skin and summer smiles.
running on endless fields for miles and miles-
never getting tired.
backyard weekends with your best friends,
before the chaos and pretends,
hoping the days would never end.
sometimes to make myself feel okay i imagine a happier you
the whites of your eyes sparkled so bright before they met my blues
i’ve never seen you seem so carelessly carefree
running on the sand, dipping your toes in the sea
giggling over the boy from school
and the note he wrote to you
before you had to try to trust
you were blissfully in love with being in love
sometimes to make myself feel okay i remember how this began
our pulses matching as we held hands
none of the last stands
and before all of our grand plans
just you and i, alone, in a room as black as night
i placed a bookmark in time in case i can ever press rewind
sometimes to make myself feel okay i just think of:
everything i had ever dreamed of
a heart i was so undeserving of
a kindness i’d fall short of
those big eyes i was in awe of
pressed so warm and wrapped close
("our eyes should always be this close(d)")
snug, just like a glove-
please send all my love,
to the girl above.

A beautiful void

those with no substance will fill themselves with substance
you beautiful vacuum
you beautiful void
youre a big girl now
with big girl's toys
yeah, i broke you down- so how could i ever be annoyed?
shoot all the memories into me
my veins feel warm when my brain thinks you're near
cut myself down, gut me like a Fish
analyse every word like you're bacteria on my petri dish
time passes in inverse proportions to apathy
but i guess i never really wanted to let myself be happy
you'll chase the flashes and so will i
pluck the eyelashes from the gardens around my eyes
you'll chase the flashes and i'll dodge the fights
never was one for spilling out my true insides
but my head is a pinata and you are playing me to the beat(ing)
maybe it's time to reveal the candy secrets
its never the truth if im just telling you what i think you want to hear
but i'd swear my head to you if i thought you'd believe it
i ask myself how can things be so different?
how did i spin out on something so bright and so brilliant?
lose my mind in an instant- or maybe i didn't
between my indifference and the behaviour of an infant
i even miss your skin pigment when your heartbeat feels so distant
funny how its all reversed
funny how it all works out when we return to the dirt
trying to figure out what all of this is worth
"baby boy, i think we belong on another earth"
cautious girl, oh how it could have been in another world
or maybe this is how it was planned for me and you
we're supposed to get out of hand
i am supposed to see grey, then green, then blue
i don't know how much i can withstand
but when i think about this planet without you
i just want to bury my head in the sand
shoot her perfume into my pineal gland
cant help lying between these walls hoping i see you in my dreams
that is the single reason that i believe
or perhaps its the way that when you look at me
i dont know for the life of me what to do with my hands
the truth is:
in this moment, here we both stand-
seconds away from a lifetime's romance
and lifetimes away from a second chance.

Padlock

selective memory disorder
can someone follow me round with a video recorder?
tape the best bits
i dont want to miss them
but fastforward the glitz
just show me the AM gems
its okay to go your own way even if it becomes a mistake
just one less road for us to take
i can hardly remember the me that existed with you
but i'm not sure i'd ever really want to
got lost inside myself
only sand inside this shell
but i pried myself open and let the world flood in
sanity held together by a safety pin
pulling myself back together to tear myself apart
plotting your diagram love on my flow charts
candy lines and elliott's "figure eight"
started talking myself sober far too late
did i ever really want you the way that i do now?
fixing up, someone talk me down
my hazy nights on hardwood floors
picked up my pieces to pick up yours
coast to coast and shore to shore
your picture always pressed in the chest of drawers
instead of the good book
another sign that you mistook
tend to run when people push
i got big plans and delusions of grandeur
singing the riches of the poor
fireflies can fly forwards or back
but its one way off the beaten track
lonely on the hillside forget me nots
solitary cell connect my own dots
so i'd sing for you on subways
i'd lock us onto south korea's tower
i'd try to fall awake on lazy days
and race home to you through rush hour
i'd fight for the first time in my life
to try and do this one half-right